Since her divorce, Kelly Clarkson has learned to let her light shine.
In a personal conversation on We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle on Tuesday, the singer-songwriter opened up about her divorce from ex-husband Brandon Blackstock — and revealed what kept her from leaving for so long
“My ego… [I thought,] ‘I can do this. I can handle so much.’ My ego is, ‘I can control my actions, I can control my reactions, I can do this and I can reach this person and I can get through.’ It becomes a little bit of your ego that gets in the way,” Clarkson, 41, told the host.
“If I’m being completely honest, we don’t want to do what we saw done,” continued Clarkson, whose parents also got divorced when she was 6 years old. “I don’t want my kids to be those kids at school.”
Clarkson shares son Remington “Remy” Alexander, 7, and daughter River Rose, 8½, with Blackstock, whom she divorced in 2020 after nearly seven years of marriage.
“It’s a little different — they grew up here and it’s a very progressive city. But in the south, there was like two of us with divorced parents in our class. So it was very different,” she said. “Even when you come down to like, daddy-daughter dances and you don’t have anyone show up. You have to think about all of those things and you play it out differently in your head too.”
The “Since U Been Gone” singer added, “You try so hard and you think, ‘I do not want to do that to her, I don’t want to do that to him’ — that you never start thinking about yourself. That’s why sometimes to be selfish was important to me.”
Elsewhere in the interview, Clarkson went into detail about the inspiration behind her song “lighthouse” and feeling like her “light” was dimming in the relationship.
“You choose to dim it. If I’m not around people like friends, families and lovers that are OK with the amount of light that I have then we’re just not meant to be together and that’s OK,” she said. “But to dull yourself so you feel like somebody else can shine or so you feel like you’re not in the way or whatever the situation is… that’s not a healthy way to live.”
Clarkson later added, “I felt limited. And I don’t feel like that’s the truth for all marriages, I just think that was my case. To say that’s just his fault, that’s my fault for allowing that to happen. That’s my work as well. It could also be limiting because as in love as I was, I just wasn’t ready. Maybe the other person wasn’t either and you try to make it work but it doesn’t.”
When asked if she’s ever felt a love that “makes you feel more you” — Clarkson said, “I’ve never experienced that.”
“I’ve experienced love but I’m working through a lot of stuff. I’m a firework and I’m OK with that. I’m very spontaneous and I’m very communicative and I’m very… I’m just very,” the “Because of You” singer said. “I’m a walking empath. I think [the right person] needs to be somebody who prizes that or who thinks that’s cool.”
Clarkson’s upcoming album chemistry — which includes 14 tracks inspired by her divorce — drops on June 23. She previously released “i hate love,” “favorite kind of high”, “mine” and “me.”
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