“I still believe that my person is coming, whether that is Jo Koy at a certain time or if it’s not, I accept that,” Chelsea Handler said days after announcing her breakup
Chelsea Handler is opening up about her split from Jo Koy.
While appearing on Wednesday’s episode of the podcast, We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle, Handler, 47, gave fans an update on how she’s doing and shared more details about her breakup with Koy, 51, which was announced on Monday.
“I’m okay. I feel, you know, optimistic about the future now,” the Chelsea Lately alum said in the beginning of the interview. “I’ve changed so much and my love was so big that it just blew me open. And as painful as the ending of something like that is, I’m so well-versed in therapy and understanding that every door shutting is a new beginning and I do believe it.”
Handler, who acknowledged that the podcast appearance was initially supposed to be with Koy, said that she’s proud of herself for handling the split in an “honest way” for the first time in her life.
She also noted how she’s “dealing with it in real time … instead of distracting, deflecting and doing all these things to say ‘I’m fine! I’m fine!'”
“In therapy, out of therapy, with my girlfriends, with all my support systems knowing that when you’re in pain, sit with it. Not to go away and take an edible — even though I’ve always loved edibles,” she joked. “Not to try to numb your pain.”
The TV host also admitted that her recovery has been an “emotional rollercoaster” saying, “one day you think you’re killing it and then next day you’re not killing it.”
Even though there’s been ups and downs since their split, Handler said she’s proud to have put herself first. “I think that when you have the grounding and the courage to say that something isn’t working, you’re saying a lot more than that to the whole world,” she said. “You’re inviting in things that are going to be workable and more suited to your needs and what you’re available for.”
“I’m not going to abandon myself,” Handler added. “I have to choose myself.”
During the candid talk, the TV personality also spoke about making the decision to end a relationship and gave some pointers to when making it work is no longer worth it. Among her suggestions, Handler said it’s a problem when one lowers their standards and expectations and when they’re no longer “communicating in a loving way.”
“It’s nice to compromise, it’s nice to show your love publicly. That was something I was never able to do for anybody but I believe Jo needed that,” she said, acknowledging that losing oneself in a compromise happens often.
As for how she’s managing the breakup, Handler credited a lot of her recovery to therapy — a place where she managed to take apart her judgments and look within.
“I have my tool kit now. That’s the most invaluable thing I’ve ever gotten,” she said, noting that she also meditates, reads a lot and “listens to things that are going to help” as well as allowing plenty of time for reflection.
Looking to the future, Handler said she’s staying positive. “I still believe that my person is coming, whether that is Jo Koy at a certain time or if it’s not, I accept that. I love him and he’s in his own path,” she explained.
Posting a video that the two planned to share on their one-year anniversary, Handler wrote in the caption, “It is with a heavy heart to announce that we have decided together that it is best for us to take a break from our relationship right now.”
“Because of him, my life experience has changed forever,” she wrote, in part. “To be loved and adored by @jokoy has been one of the greatest gifts of my life. He renewed my faith in men, in love, in being 100% who I am, and I’ve never been more optimistic for the future.”
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In Koy’s own announcement post, he said the two comedians “will always remain great friends and will always have love for one another,” even after their breakup.
“I’m her biggest fan and I can’t wait for you all to see what she has in store for the future,” he added. “Keep killing it Chelsea! Mahal kita!”
A source later told PEOPLE that those close to the pair do hope this is a temporary situation. ”Their friends are hoping they can still work it out. But if anything, it’s clear their relationship has changed them both for the better,” the source said.
Handler and Koy were introduced by a mutual friend almost 20 years ago. Koy then went on to make regular appearances on Handler’s former E! show, Chelsea Lately, which ran from 2007 to 2014.
The former couple first sparked dating rumors in September when they were spotted looking cozy at a Los Angeles Dodgers game. The comedian then made the pair’s relationship Instagram official days later as she shared two pics, one of which featured the twosome kissing.
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